Lifestyles / Relationships
Letting Go

When is it time to let go of a relationship? 

Many times we hang on to our relationships despite the fact that they are not supportive, caring or advantageous to personal growth and development.

Why do we hang on to these people for dear life, even though in our hearts we know that it is time to let go and move forward with our life?  What hold do these people have on our lives that we hang on to their slightest shred of encouragement or loving words that we so desperately want to hear?

We are ready to give many reasonable excuses why we choose to stay in negative and self-defeating relationships.  The list is endless: children, financial obligations, fear of being alone, embarrassment and shame of once again not meeting the expectations of others and society.

Then, of course, there are those magic words, “Maybe they will change if I love them just a little bit more”.

The hitch is that it is human nature to hold on to the people in your life.  Letting go is so painful, stressful and confusing that one does not want to feel the familiar pain of yet another unsuccessful personal experience.

Unfortunately, it is difficult at the time to imagine that letting go may possibly be the best thing that you could ever do for yourself and your family.  We become so entrenched in the relationship that letting go does not seem a possibility, despite all the red flags, signs and blaring horns that you see and hear throughout the relationship.

The questions you need to ask yourself are:

• “Do I want this person in my life five years from now if they stay the way they are now?”

• “How much does this person need to change, so that I am not feeling like I am suffocating and /or drowning?”

You must comprehend that the only person you can change is you, and accept that it takes a huge amount of work and desire to change.  Take the time to look at your relationship, and ask yourself the following question: “Is this what I really want for my life?”

The worst possible scenario is that you wake up five years from now feeling like you wasted and lost precious years of your life to change someone other than yourself.  The best possible scenario is that you decide that you want to change and move forward.  That you take the first frightening step on your own and live a happier, healthier and a more fulfilling lifestyle – and let the person/people in your life follow your lead.

Taking the first courageous step away from a negative, unfulfilling relationship that is not working for you is what makes a lifestyle change so exciting, healthy and favourable.  Usually, change occurs when the pain and discomfort becomes absolutely intolerable and unbearable.  It may take several attempts to make the change, and much soul searching and learning what you want and need to feel fulfilled.

Behaviour signals that your relationship is in trouble:

• Verbal abuse
• Physical abuse
• Constant criticism
• Screaming, yelling and throwing things
• No assistance with household chores and children
• Control of money
• No friends
• Excessive drinking, drugging, gambling or any addictive behaviour
• Refusal of counselling or any kind of emotional help or support
• Refusal of medications that have been prescribed
• No desire for communication
• Affairs
• No support, attempted sabotage of all positive efforts to change
• No consideration, thoughtfulness or acknowledgement of partner’s wants and needs

Have patience with yourself.  The change will happen when you are ready to make it happen.  Understanding that you can do anything you want after the turmoil and shock of the change is the most liberating occurrence that a person can experience.

If you feel you can identify with this article, and would like to share your story, you can e-mail us at: writers@URSpecial.com. If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulities with "letting go or staying together" and would like to talk in confidence either face to face or via email with our Trained Advisors/Counsellors - dont delay call now on 0700 2222 700.